Parenting 101
I am a geek. A Linux geek even. So, when I became a Dad, I dived in to all the popular books and how-to’s for raising kids, right? So you’d think, but nope.
Normally, when I’m faced with something new, I immerse myself in how-to’s, specs, opinions, and really just about any kind of information I could possibly find on the subject. I’m very obsessive, which actually helps me a lot in my career as a Linux geek. So, I started down this obsessive/must-do-it-right path when Jillian was pregnant with Janelle (our oldest).
Jillian just reminded me today how I was during that pregnancy. I wanted her to cut out all bad foods, stop drinking pop, no caffeine, get extra calories, etc etc etc. I read books, the internet, and papers/pamphlets from her OB. It had to be done right.
But then Janelle was born… And I held her in my arms, she fell asleep on my chest. I knew then this was different, I didn’t need a manual. Something in me flipped on when I held her and *poof*… I had no doubts, no questions. We were going to take her home and we were going to protect her and raise her to be a wonderful and happy person.
And ever since that day I first held her, I have known what to do. But since then I have heard/read about these other parents of newborns who are stressed out and worried over such simple things. Things like:
- How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?
- How long should I let them cry before picking them up?
- Should I spank my kids?
- When should I wean them?
- When should I start solid foods?
And I’m confused… What do you mean how/should/when/why? Don’t you already know? Did I do something wrong or am I missing something?
I also hear friends say things like: “Oh, we read baby wise and are following it. So far it’s going really well, our baby only cries at night for 3 hours.”
3 hours of screaming!? How is that possible!?
We didn’t read any books and we didn’t ask for advice. We did what we thought and felt was right. We trusted our instincts. Instincts that, for me, came out of nowhere the first time I held Janelle. We co-slept with our babies. We held our babies. We soothed our babies. We listened to them and their needs.
For example, how did we get our babies to sleep through the night? We waited until they were ready to sleep through the night. We didn’t collapse from exhaustion. We didn’t die. We lived and we lived quite happily. Total number of hours our babies cried through the night without comfort from one (or maybe both) of us: 0. Usual number of hours our kids sleep without interruption: 8 or 9.
Waking up every 2 hours can be annoying. But that was our baby, who relied on us for everything. And she was crying. We wanted to pick her up and soothe her back to sleep. Not picking her up and soothing her made us feel horrible. So, we followed our instinct. Our minds and hearts were telling us to comfort her… and so that’s what we did.
And it worked. She stopped crying and eventually went back to sleep and we dealt with having interrupted sleep for several months. Now, all 3 of our kids are amazing sleepers. When it’s time for bed, they know. They don’t throw huge fits. They get in their beds and they know that if they need anything in the night, anything at all, that we will be there for them.
And that’s our approach to just about anything parenting related. We do what our instincts tell us to do. You don’t need a book or a manual or a teacher… So far it has worked great for us. Our kids are amazingly happy, smart, loving, behaved, and independent.
Jillian cried when she left them on their first day of school. It was to be one of the longest periods of time she had been away from them. And the first time they weren’t with family. She told them they were safe and would have fun. She told them she’d be back in a couple hours. With no tears or anxiety they hugged her and said goodbye.
I had been thinking about this all a lot lately. Sparked from an uninformed, misguided email of “concern” that I received. Parenting is hard work, but is so rewarding. I wouldn’t change a thing in my life. And I am very proud and thankful for the amazing job Jillian does as a Mom.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:11 am
I love you.