subprocess » humor http://subprocess.net linux geek/dad Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:12:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 en hourly 1 Ryan Hadley’s F.A.Q. http://subprocess.net/2009/07/02/ryan-hadleys-faq/ http://subprocess.net/2009/07/02/ryan-hadleys-faq/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:00:06 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2009/07/02/ryan-hadleys-faq/ I present to you for your own reference, the top 10 most frequently asked questions to me. Please consult this list before asking me a question from now on, it will speed things up:

Q1. Would like to help save the environment?
A1. Nope.

Q2. Denver Voice, help the homeless?
A2. No.

Q3. Room for cream?
A3. Yes, please.

Q4. Would you like cream and sugar with that?
A4. No thanks. But leave some room at the top.

Q5. Steak with green?
A5. Please!

Q6. Spare some change?
A6. Change comes from within.

Q7. What’s for dinner?
A7. Tonight it’s broiled cajuny tilapia with buttered noodles and buttered steamed broccoli.

Q8. Did you submit your timecard?
A8. CRAP! No, I didn’t.

Q9. What’s the weather?
A9. It will be hot today, so you can wear short sleeves and shorts if you want.

Q10. How are you?
A10. Doing well. Except for some reason I keep losing hearing in my right ear, then it aches for a few days, and then it’s back to normal. I should probably see a doctor about that.

Also, a freebie: Typing a blog post on a blackberry pearl can be very annoying.

]]> http://subprocess.net/2009/07/02/ryan-hadleys-faq/feed/ 0 Ich Bin Leo. http://subprocess.net/2008/12/25/ich-bin-leo/ http://subprocess.net/2008/12/25/ich-bin-leo/#comments Thu, 25 Dec 2008 21:03:17 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/?p=94 We got Kincaid this Little Einstein’s plush Leo doll for Christmas:

I just started to remove it from it’s box and noticed that the packaging is for the Little Einstein’s June doll.

Not only that, but then I squeezed his tummy to make him talk… and he seems to speak only German.

Packaging epic fail.

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/12/25/ich-bin-leo/feed/ 0 Actually, yes, it has. I just like to hang out here at 5:15 PM after work. http://subprocess.net/2008/10/22/actually-yes-it-has-i-just-like-to-hang-out-here-at-515-pm-after-work/ http://subprocess.net/2008/10/22/actually-yes-it-has-i-just-like-to-hang-out-here-at-515-pm-after-work/#comments Thu, 23 Oct 2008 01:37:54 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/10/22/actually-yes-it-has-i-just-like-to-hang-out-here-at-515-pm-after-work/ So I’m standing at the door to the 83L at the downtown bus station. Had about 6 minutes until the bus was to show up. I was the only one waiting at the time. And then some random guy came up next to me and asked, “Excuse me, are you waiting for the 83L?”

A fair question, since the 3L and 100X use this door too. “Yes, I am,” I reply.

Usually that’s the end of such conversations, which happen 2-3 times a week. Then he asks, “Do you know if it’s came yet?”

*crickets*

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/10/22/actually-yes-it-has-i-just-like-to-hang-out-here-at-515-pm-after-work/feed/ 0 Why ER is horrible. http://subprocess.net/2008/10/07/why-er-is-horrible/ http://subprocess.net/2008/10/07/why-er-is-horrible/#comments Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:45:58 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/10/07/why-er-is-horrible/ So the other day Jillian was watching a rerun of ER. And this is my recap of the episode, with absolutely no exaggerations.

(10:17:54 PM) Ryan Hadley: a lady was stabbed. she’s 36 weeks pregnant
(10:18:05 PM) Ryan Hadley: there’s a horrible thunder storm
(10:18:11 PM) Ryan Hadley: the ambulance got in an accident
(10:18:25 PM) Ryan Hadley: while rescuing the ambulance a power line fell on it
(10:18:32 PM) Ryan Hadley: they can’t get the power turned off
(10:18:41 PM) Ryan Hadley: she started going in to labor
(10:18:50 PM) Ryan Hadley: and bleeding too much, her placenta is detaching
(10:19:08 PM) Ryan Hadley: so now a doctor who doesn’t know what she’s doing has to do an emergency c-section…
(10:19:13 PM) Ryan Hadley: in a crashed ambulance
(10:19:15 PM) Ryan Hadley: on a 36 week pregnant woman with stab wounds
(10:19:27 PM) Ryan Hadley: with broken power cables dangling and sparking all around
(10:19:31 PM) Ryan Hadley: in the pouring rain
(10:19:51 PM) Dejos: dear God, I am so glad ER is in it’s last season
(10:19:57 PM) Dejos: I’m so sick of that bullshit of a show
(10:20:11 PM) Ryan Hadley: she needed help so she had a doctor jump in to the electrified ambulance
(10:20:24 PM) Ryan Hadley: I told Jillian he might as well have jumped over an electrified shark
(10:20:46 PM) Dejos: hahaha
(10:25:19 PM) Ryan Hadley: ok… he just had to tuck the baby under his arm like a football and leap out of the electrified ambulance because they still haven’t gotten the power off
(10:25:26 PM) Ryan Hadley: and now he has to run to the hospital
(10:25:34 PM) Ryan Hadley: I sure hope he doesn’t spike the baby
(10:27:14 PM) Dejos: my favorite episode is where all the power is cut off in the hospital and there’s this hurricane (in new york) and they run upstairs to get to the hellipad and they’re pulling out this dying guy and the one doctor raises his hand and the hellicopter chops it off
(10:27:35 PM) Ryan Hadley: oh yeah, the asshole doctor
(10:27:41 PM) Ryan Hadley: he soooo deserved that
(10:32:27 PM) Dejos: word!
(10:32:53 PM) Ryan Hadley: I think he ends up being finished off by the helicopter later on. It comes back for more blood.

Proof I didn’t make this ridiculous series of events up: Season 8, Episode 8

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/10/07/why-er-is-horrible/feed/ 0 Nigerian Scammers in the Government? http://subprocess.net/2008/09/27/nigerian-scammers-in-the-government/ http://subprocess.net/2008/09/27/nigerian-scammers-in-the-government/#comments Sat, 27 Sep 2008 14:24:58 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/09/27/nigerian-scammers-in-the-government/ Woot’s product descriptions are usually more interesting than the product they sell.

Yesterday’s Woot was brilliant. Dear American Tax Payer.

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/09/27/nigerian-scammers-in-the-government/feed/ 0 Stop the cruelty… http://subprocess.net/2008/08/28/stop-the-cruelty/ http://subprocess.net/2008/08/28/stop-the-cruelty/#comments Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:25:18 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/08/28/stop-the-cruelty/ No more haggis!

I ran out late for my cheap hamburger lunch today to hopefully wait less for it. And I won, it was super fast.

I also got to see some other protests. One for stopping haggis. On one corner you could hear being shouted in a round-robin fashion:

“Gays! You only have 1 life, don’t waste it! Jesus saves! You’re going to Hell!”

“McCain is an admitted bird watcher! Democrats for stopping bird porn!”

“SHOESHINE!” <-- the resident 16th street mall shoe shiner.

It made me laugh out loud. While eating a hamburger.

But anyway, this came on digg today: http://drunkatdnc.blogspot.com/. It’s a bit of a photo journal dramatizing (or exposing, depending on your view of it all) the police force at the DNC.

There are a few photos that are great though… My favorite being this one. Shotgun Willie’s is a strip club in Glendale. Glendale is a tiny area between Denver and Aurora that consists mainly of a strip club, adult novelty store, and the only Target near by with a liquor license. It also just happens to be the Target we shop at too.

Here’s a picture of one of the swat cars driving around with cops pouring out of it.

And here’s a picture from basically right across the street on the way to the bus station.

I swear the cops outnumber the DNC goers.

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/08/28/stop-the-cruelty/feed/ 1 Large Crowd Ettiquete http://subprocess.net/2008/07/21/large-crowd-ettiquete/ http://subprocess.net/2008/07/21/large-crowd-ettiquete/#comments Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:34:45 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/07/21/large-crowd-ettiquete/ So… sometimes you just have to pass gass.  You hold it and hold it and hold it… just waiting for the right moment.  One of the best places is in a large group of people when it’s really loud.  That way no one can hear you and if it smells bad, no one will know who did it.

So there I was.  All uncomfortable.  In a large crowd.  With really loud music playing.  Why should I suffer.  So I passed gass.  Rather skillfully, completely undetectable with the loud music.

Then three people kinda did a double take in my direction.

I immediately realized, “Gah… headphones!  iPod!  Bus!”

Damn you iPod!  Fortunately it did not smell and no one seemed to care.

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/07/21/large-crowd-ettiquete/feed/ 2 Doogie http://subprocess.net/2008/07/19/doogie/ http://subprocess.net/2008/07/19/doogie/#comments Sat, 19 Jul 2008 15:15:59 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/07/19/doogie/ So awhile back I tweeted something along the lines of “Why isn’t Alf in syndication?”  Mostly because I remember loving Alf way long ago when it was on.  I was just a kid though, but I seemed to remember it being awesome.  Well… they started showing it and Jillian started recording it for me.

We did not survive one full episode.  It was painful.  Really awkward acting surrounding really bad jokes about eating cats.

So, I take it back.  Remove Alf from the air.  Replace it with Doogie Howser!

Now I can’t be wrong on this one.  Doogie was awesome.  With his friend Vinnie always coming through the window… why did he use the window?

Speaking of Doogie, watch this if you happen to read this before tomorrow at midnight:  http://www.drhorrible.com/

Tomorrow at midnight, it’s no longer free.  So if you read this past midnight tomorrow, go to that site and pay whatever they ask for to watch it.  It’ll be worth it.

“The hammer is my penis.”

]]> http://subprocess.net/2008/07/19/doogie/feed/ 2 Can I use your phone? http://subprocess.net/2008/03/13/can-i-use-your-phone/ http://subprocess.net/2008/03/13/can-i-use-your-phone/#comments Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:33:19 +0000 thepet http://subprocess.net/2008/03/13/can-i-use-your-phone/ There was no hidden camera as far as I could tell. Normally when something like this happens you expect some host of a show to jump out from behind a bush and say some cheesy catch line. Well.. I don’t know, maybe “normally” is the wrong word, since that has never actually happened to me.

I’m on my way home from work on the bus and I jump off at my stop, along with maybe 6 other people. I immediately start walking towards my apartment. After about 20 feet I hear someone yell “HEY”. I don’t know anyone around here so I assume it’s for one of the other 6 people. Then there’s another “HEY!”. I check my pockets, “Nope, didn’t drop anything. There’s my wallet, phone…” “HEY! YOU!” So I give in and I stop and turn around.

And sure enough she was talking about me. There was a rather big girl wearing non-matching clothes (hot pink, too short sweat pants and a blue sweat shirt) running towards me waving her arms. I wave back and she shouts as she runs, “Can I use your phone?” She says this as she clearly has a cell phone open in her hand. She must have seen the confusion in my face and added, “They shut mine off.”

So I assumed she probably needed to call someone for a ride, or maybe just to inform family that she’s O.K. and just has no phone right now. So I say sure and hand her my phone.

“Woah… you gots one of them high tech ones.” It’s a blackberry pearl. She dials a number and I kid you not, this is the conversation:

“Hey. ’sup? … nothin’. you try to text me? … oh. So what you doin’? … uh-huh. … Oh, ’cause they shut me off, this is some guy’s. … ’cause rent is more important, don’t you think? … No, I don’t know him. … He’s standing here. … uhhh… Yeeeeeah… prolly. Ok, bye.”

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